Friday, March 15, 2013

b u l l y

why do you bully me with your grammatically unsound sentences and misspelled words? i understand that it's a goddamn text message; i don't expect flowery prose, just something that lends to my argument when i'm convincing my friends and myself that you're indeed an enlightened and thoughtful fella, not a vacuous musician who clings onto cheap wit like they say.

if you've actually paused to put a little thought into this, you'd realize that this is a matter of life and death, not just some frivolous request. i'm a writer. you're dating a writer. language is my bread and butter. whether you're completely oblivious or just couldn't care less, let me remind you that i need more than your grungey good looks, something i'm sure you've become aware of in the past couple of weeks.  i've brought it to your attention, on several occasions, like a dunce, but that clearly went in one ear and out of your ass, since that's where you source your texts from after all. f for effort or n for no more fucks, as in no longer do i give any and no longer do you get any. at least not until you decide i'm worth a "you" in its entirety. until then, u r outta luck.

this obviously illuminates a bigger issue. i know i'm in denial. i know “this”, whatever this is or whatever you want it to be, will never work out. i will tire of the sex because physical stimulation isn’t enough. you lured me in with quips you learned from the movies and i ran with it, creating an illusion of what you would live up to. and you continue to tease me with glimpses of clever. maybe they're flukes. regardless, it’s undeniable that when you come around, i crave your warmth. yet being with you feels like treason against my integrity. i think back to the beginning when i warned you of my neuroses and wonder if you fully grasped what i meant. now you do.

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