introverts anonymous

What turned me on was having no one to detract from this moment that reacquainted me with true bliss. No one. Absolutely no one and nothing except for a nudge from my roommate that came in the form of a "quiet the fuck down" cough. That, which bore no significance to me because she's a c-u-n-t, aside, the fact that I was able to enjoy my post-binge drinking bout was enough to make me feel whole again. I felt empowered, immortal. With nobody to elicit any moral considerations, I could do anything, drive to Mexico wholly inebriated and incoherent, whatever the fuck I wanted. As pleasant as it would be to have someone who cares enough to tell me otherwise, it was liberating to know that I could make my own decisions, however assinine. It's a different, basic kind of satisfaction not having to answer to anyone. I could run off, break hearts, or eat like there would be no food for the rest of the month with zero inhibition. I deeply appreciated the agency to make decisions I'd regret in the morning; I'd never before felt so free. Yes, it's the same freedom that I fear, that I reject and label Loneliness, but I began to realize its significance. I never knew how much I craved this sentiment. I could fuck up and disturb no one, hurt no one.

"I am a golden god[dess]!"

Fact: Loneliness can be manipulated into Utility.